Momversation: Wife or mother: Which is harder?


Great topic on Momversation: Heather Armstrong of Dooce asks what's harder: marriage or motherhood? Rebecca Woolf of Girl's Gone Child and Alice Bradley of Finslippy give their answers.

I was married for six years before my first child was born, and, let me tell you, those were six years of pure hedonism! (Well, not really, but compared to parenthood? The freedom we took for granted back then would be intoxicating now.) So yeah, parenthood has been much harder for me. I'm also a smarter, stronger, more compassionate person because I'm a parent, but it hasn't been easy.

And you? Marriage or parenthood? (I'd love to hear from both moms and dads on this one…I wonder if the answers are generally different?)

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  1. Karl says

    Interesting topic. I would have to say being a husband is harder than being a father. Since having kids, my wife does a very good job of taking care of them and taking care of me, but a very poor job of taking care of herself, which task falls to me.

  2. alicia says

    Wow, I have to say, one of the most interesting topics I have come across. Being a mother is much easier. I can take care of my girls with ease. I can empathize. I can show compassion. I can be stearn, and creative. I can cook, and still work 40 hours a week as a medical professional. As for being a wife. Much more difficult. After working, and taking care of the kids, and cooking. It is hard to find time to spend with my other half. Or concentrate on what he is saying about his day. I have listened to everyone elses problems. It is hard to be genuine about his. Dont get me wrong. He helps with cooking, and doing laundry, he goes the extra mile, and picks one of them up on their days of dance class early from daycare to spend time with them. But finding time to work on our relationship and to be a couple is impossible.

  3. Jennifer says

    For now? Parenthood is harder. But my marriage was easy-going and happy before we had a child, we share responsibilities equally, and my husband is extremely self-sufficient. Can’t say the same for my 17-month old. :)

  4. says

    Motherhood is easily more difficult that marriage. Motherhood has taken me to the edge of my sanity. I wonder if it depends on the kind of kids you get and the kind of man you’re married to?

  5. mamajud says

    bahahaha……i’m going to have to think on that one…..sort of like the chicken and the egg
    and…in advance…….agreed with all of the above & below

  6. Lori says

    Catching up on old momversations – this one was interesting. I definitely think being a wife is more difficult than being a mother.

    After working all day, taking care of the house, and taking care of the kid, I hardly have time to take care of myself. And I’m supposed to fit my husband in too? It is a lot of work for all of it. But being a mother comes more naturally to me and is therefore “easier” as far as comparisions go, but is my no means “easy”.

    This ties me into the other momversation about being ready to have another kid. I think I am ready but then as I read what I just wrote above…how will I have the time!!?