links for 2008-01-26

• Friendships: The Dynamics Between Mamas
  Fantastic discussion going on at urbanmamas about the pressure parenting puts onto friendships old and new. I'm interested to know how dads feel about this topic, too.

Comments

[Elliott Kim]

The shift in priorities runs through every area in our lives. Less important activities are naturally discarded. Likewise, the same happens with the interpersonal relationships that aren't nourishing.

The cream rises to the top. My wife and I have become much closer to friends who have children.

The internet is probably the biggest help. We have great resources online for help while we're on this parenting adventure. It's also how we keep in touch with old friends and make new ones.

[Sam Persons Parkes]

I concur with Elliott to some degree. Our relationships with our kids have become the primary relationships in our lives, second only to our marital relationship (and, truth be known, our marriage doesn't always come first!). We have let lots of relationships go and found new ones (mostly with other parents) to nurture and rejoice in.

However, I want to point out that as a stay-at-home dad I think I am somewhat more isolated than my wife was when she was at home full-time with the kids. I think women do a better job in general of maintaining friendships over time and through changing circumstances. And I think the culture doesn't experience shock when moms get together, with or without kids. Dads, on the other hand, are often viewed with suspicion when they nurture relationships that revolve around parenting instead of other more traditional male pursuits such as sports and drinking beer. Now, I'm all for March Madness and Heineken, but I'm still working on how to involve the kids in that...okay, that last part was only a joke, but I still have a much harder time maintaining old friendship than my wife does.