Helping a toddler who's afraid of dogs

Sara's daughter is afraid of dogs -- as many kids are. Here's how Sara and her husband are helping her get over it:

Miss J. is just shy of 2 years, and she's become deathly afraid of puppies.  The first sign of this was when she heard a neighborhood puppy bark during dinner and freaked out crying and begging to be picked up.  Yeah, that afraid.  Some quick thinking on my husband's part -- he found a stuffed puppy someone had given us, and we've used that as a talisman against the "mean puppies" in J's imagination by petting it, saying "nice puppy", and having the stuffed puppy kiss her.  We upped the talismanic approach when we noticed her hitting the picture of a dog in one of her books -- finding her books with pictures of "nice puppies" in it.  It hasn't worked perfectly, but I definitely think it has been better than nothing.

I'm a major animal lover. My daughter is too but still gets upset by a puppy's unpredictable jumping and scratching (those claws and teeth are sharp). Another problem for her: her head is right at a large adult dog's mouth level, so friendly dogs tend to lick her on the face. She always asked to be held in the presence of dogs. I accommodate her but try to model calm, and I explain to her how she can decode the dog's behavior -- tail-wagging means "Hi!", wary look means "Leave me alone," etc. And I insist my kids check with the dog's owner before approaching even the friendliest of dogs.

Comments

[Mark]

Being the owner of a big dog (120lbs.), I have to say it is really great when kids ask if they can pet him when we're out. He's a sweetheart and very friendly so I always say yes, but it is nice that they ask. That way I can help control the immediate tongue attack!

[christie]

Dog rules for our family:

1. Never approach a dog without a grownup (unless you ARE a grownup -- kids are 4yo).
2. ALWAYS check with the dog's person before reaching out to pet the dog.
3. Hold out your closed hand (not a fist, but fingers turned under) for the dog to sniff before you actually touch the dog, to allow the dog to get a sense of you.

We've never encountered a dog that was growly or unfriendly using these rules, but that would bring forth Rule 4: Move away carefully if the dog seems displeased.

My in-laws have three large and rammy-headed dogs; one is actually bigger than my kids heightwise, and they each weigh about three times as much as my kids. At Grandma K's house, my daughter is quite good at saying "No!" firmly and loudly to the dogs if she doesn't want them to lick her. They listen to her most of the time (and we are quite vigilant regardless), and I think it's been helpful for my daughter to have a tool that gives her a little more control.

[bob]

That's nifty but what about a toddler who's afraid of lawnmowers? How am I ever going to get him to cut the grass now?

[Violet]

Oh.. thankyouthankyou thankyouthankyou to every parent who has already taught their child not to run directly up to a stranger's dog.

Both of my dogs are very (overly) friendly and non-biters, but they're energetic, they're enthusiastic, and it's easy for them to 'headbutt' a small child or bark loudly (and be scary!) if they're surprised.

Not to mention, while walking two dogs, it's nice for ME to have some warning so I can hold tightly to leashes, tell the dogs to "sit" and "be gentle" and prevent calamity.

Thankyouthankyou parents - from the bottom of my heart.

[Florabora]

I hate to be a downer, but I was afraid of dogs until we got a puppy... when I was 28. Now, I'm fine with them. I had been bitten by my grandmother's poodle when I was 3 or 4 and hated them ever since. It took having a 3 lb puppy to change my mind (she's 65 lbs now). That might not be an option for you, though.

It's hard for dog lovers to understand that not everyone likes dogs - which is why I always give people and kids a wide berth when walking our pooch.

[Kelly O]

I realize this wouldn't work for everyone, but here's the way we dealt with my three-year-old daughter's budding fear of dogs: we got a dog (very carefully chosen and mostly trained). We had been talking about wanting the kids to grow up with pets, anyway, and my thought was that it would make her safer in the world if she understood dogs' cues and didn't exhibit fear when meeting them. So far, it's working out great for everyone, though the first few weeks were an adjustment.

[jim]

One thing to keep in mind, even the most careful of child-dog training won't prevent a neglectful dog owner from allowing his or her animals to run out of control. My ex-wife learned this the hard way a few weeks ago, when my daughter was attacked by a dog who lives across the street.

To appease the dog lover in me, and others, this was an old GSD with a recent history of dementia and biting, and the owner neglected to keep him under control. I in no way blame the animal for this, nor do I blame the child. In fact, I commend the young son of the dog owner for intervening, preventing further injury to my little girl.

Please remember that children need direct supervision when in the presence of dogs of any size or breed. Learning to ask permission to approach or pet is fantastic, and one of the first things I taught my little girl when wanting to go meet other dogs. It is not the only thing to keep in mind. Little Johnny may be fully versed in people-dog etiquette, but Bowser may not, or may be incapable of understanding or caring anymore.

My work in reinforcing the good, safe treatment of all animals has been doubled since this event to try to help calm her new fear of all dogs. I don't want her to believe that all dogs will become mean when they get older.

[Chakolate]

I cannot stress this enough: a wagging tail does *not* mean the dog is happy and friendly. It means he's excited. I can't tell you how many people have come into our ER with dogbites and said, "But his tail was wagging!"

You have to assess the whole dog: ears, tail, hackles, general demeanor, lip curl.

A dog's body language is extremely expressive and if you know how to read it you can approach a personless dog, but if you can't, you'd better stick with asking the owner.

Please spread the word: a wagging tail is not a green light for petting.

[Jennifer]

To add to the list of rules: avoid eye contact until you know the dog is friendly. With some hyper agressive dogs, eye contact is all it takes for them to react.

[Pascal]

I have to agree with Chakolate.

Look at the whole picture.

In addition:
Don't let a kid, who is smaller than the dog's eyeline, give dominant commands.
Don't let the child look the dog into the dogs eyes (stare).
For the dog, which judges on size, a small child is lower in rank.
Don't allow a dog to put a paw on top of the child. This is an act of dominance.
Don't let the child near the dog while it is eating or playing with its own toys.

One last thing, that is to be judged at the moment it happens.
Learn your child not to run away and scream, when chased by a dog.
An average dog will always be faster than a small child. Standing still or backing up slowly, no eye contact, staying calm (parent as well) will help avoid problems.