Tips for controlling your temper

Gretchen's tips for calming anger flare-ups is certainly apropos for parents, given how effectively our kids find and poke our buttons (repeatedly). Brings to mind Stu's classic advice (the Top Parent Hack of 2006!): 'The problem' is the problem -- not the kid.

Comments

[Stu Mark]

First, glad to know that my philosophy of handling "The Problem" is still working for so many folks.

Second, don't forget that it works with every person, not just kids. In fact, my wife and I used it just last night, and it prevented a big fight.

Third, here's a link to a slightly more expanded explanation of that "hack" - http://stunewsandphotos.blogspot.com/2006/09/person-isnt-problem-problem-is-problem.html

[shelli]

OK, this Gretchen woman has me a little disturbed, actually.

She is trying to teach people to squelch their feelings.

I think it's SO SO SO much more important to teach children to FEEL their feelings. Angry is OK. Sad is OK. Happy is OK - they are all just feelings. And it bothers me so that people think that they have to "NOT" feel them.

ugh.

Feelgins are JUST feelings. it's how we act upon our feeligns that matter, NOT the feelings themselves.

Shelli
(feeling frustrated)

[Karen]

@ Shelli: I haven't read a lot of Gretchen, but I actually think this one set of tips is pretty good. I don't see it as "how to pretend you're not angry when you are." I see it as, "how to control your actions, even though you are angry." And if a side effect of controlling your actions is that your anger dissipates, is that a bad thing? I think her title, "Tips for squelching your anger," is actually not accurate, even though presumably she assigned it herself. "Tips for preventing your anger from making a bad situation worse" isn't so catchy.

[Bob]

No matter how our kids try to make us angry, we still have the choice to do so. It's only a matter of controlling temper and loving our children.
Those suggestions certainly are great.

[Stu Mark]

Squelching your feelings is not how I would go (although everyone's entitled to their methods). For me, I squelch any fire that is associated with the feeling. If my kid is pissing me off, I tell them, bluntly, how I feel. But I do so in a calm, rational tone, and I give them the opportunity to make a switch in their behavior with no reprucussions. This allows the lesson to be learned without the harm of yelling or other violence.