Passing the time while your kid has a tantrum

You've tried comforting and reasoning, but your toddler or preschooler is still throwing a knock-down tantrum. Sometimes all you can do is wait out the storm. Beth pointed out her Silicon Valley Moms Blog post listing ten things to do while a tantrum is underway...written with the calm, seasoned (and tongue-in-cheek) perspective of a mother of three.

Tags: Parenting, Preschooler, Tantrums, Toddler

Comments

[Andi]

Depending on the age of the child in question, laughing at their tantrums can be a very, very effective at stopping them before they get out of control.

[tomhiggins]

When our 12 year old was 6 or so I tried to be calm, at 7 I tried laughing, at 8 I walked into another room. She still has some, doozys in fact, but I am often elsewhere so I dont get to be the audience she wants.

The 4 year old is having some issues with the word NO, most of the things mentioned in the list of 10 sound way doable though I do not enjoy lavander shampo as much as the author of the list.

What ever the reaction the key things to include are staying calm and making sure there is a way for the kid to get an out, ie smiling, asking for help, going off to do something else.

[Sarah]

Cleaning the kitchen is my favorite from this list. That's my standard tantrum distraction activity. If I feel like I'm getting something useful done then I'm much less stressed by the tantrum. If the crying is really getting to me the floor gets a particularly hard scrub but my daughter doesn't get to see that she has succeeded in making me angry.

[hedra]

Commented there, but wanted to note here, too. If your kid doesn't tolerate being ignored, you can still do many of those list things just by carrying on a validating commentary as you do so. I'll say 'I can tell you're really angry!' or 'You really wanted (insert trigger event here)', etc., into the pauses in the fit.

And, also important to know that if they have fits a lot, or they're really long/intense, there might be more than typical age-appropriate tantruming going on. Brendan has fructose malabsorption (~1 in 3 people has this and MOST do not know it, because the symptoms are only sometimes GI-specific). Some people with this will have a sensitivity to High Fructose Corn Syrup, which can cause mood swings from even minute doses. Took out the HFCS, and ta-DA! Mood swings, anxiety, depression, ADHD-type impulsivity, GONE. Tantrums? Seldom, short, and easily managed. YAY!

I'd rather not even have the fits in the first place. Something to consider, since that stuff is in EVERYTHING in the US these days (rarely found elsewhere, has to do with US farm policy, pricing, etc.).

[Beth B.]

Staying calm is the key to making it through the tantrums. And as was mentioned above, humor. I always try humor first. But it is funny, now that my kids know that I will ignore (take away attention) them if they have tantrums, the tantrums are (slowly) disapearing. Who could have guessed that taking away attention could be such a good discipline tactic!