How are you handling giving your teens more independence? Talk amongst yourselves.

We've shared many wonderful ideas for encouraging independence in kids. Anne wonders how it's going for the parents of teens:

I'm the mom of an almost 14 year-old daughter.  Wow.  What a trip it is. 

I am wondering if there are other parents with daughters of similar ages -- how are they handling stepping back and letting their daughters try their own decision making and choices?

Last year, my daughter was in every sport there was -- soccer, basketball, volleyball, track, etc. etc. etc.  It was hard work managing the to-ing and fro-ing (I work full time) but she absolutely loved it, and no way was I not supporting her. 

This year, although I know she enjoys sports, since none of her friends are participating, she's dropped the first two.  I took a deep breath and didn't push (this was hard).  She decided to try chorus (another after-school activity) instead.  Wow.  She loves it and was chosen for select chorus.

I consciously pull back now when she turns to me for an answer.  I say things like "well, I don't know.  What do you think you should do?"  I ask questions (I feel like Freud) instead of giving an immediate answer.  I try to listen, instead of giving advice (also very hard).  But the reality is I'm not going to be around forever and want her to get experience making her own decisions.

I think it is working.  I see her making decisions with more confidence.  I'm proud she decided NOT to go to a party that everyone in her 8th grade class was invited to because, yes, she knew there would be "making out and smoking pot."  Wow.  Of course, I haven't been privy to any bad decisions (yet).  But I think those have value too. 

That's how I think of her age group -- the wow years.  I wonder how other parents are doing.

Tags: Parenting, Teens

Comments

[Stu Mark]

Bravo! Trusting our kids is a nail-biting, white-knuckle experience at times. I want to feel like we're doing the right thing by trusting their decisions, but you never know until it's over. Hearing from other parents that react in a similar fashion is very comforting.